The Child I Lost

Hi Friends!
When I sat down to write today I started with a completely different topic in mind. As words started to flow from my fingers I somehow started writing about the child I lost. In one of my first posts I spoke about my journey in becoming a mother. There was a small little paragraph that mentioned that I had lost a child prior to my sweet E being born. I promised I would tell that story one day. I guess today is that day. 
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant for the first time. No, not with my oldest child, before that. I remember crying so passionately. I was so completely overcome with joy. I put my hand on my stomach and even though I couldn't physically feel anything, I felt it with my heart. With my soul.

I visited a doctor that day. I had felt poorly for several weeks and I just wasn't getting better. The older man that saw me swore to me that I was pregnant. I took a test, it said no, and he told me he still felt I was with child. I did find this a …


Hi Friends!
Today I want to share this little video I saw on another blogger's page. It is so simple and powerful and who doesn't love the kid president? 

I remember the first time I heard the "I have a dream" speech. I was in a summer theatre class and at the end of our play we all said the words. I was twelve years old. Now, I'm not putting blame on anyone, but that seems a bit old to be hearing those words for the first time. Today I'm going to talk with my kids about Dr. King. I'm not sure if they will understand what I tell them or if they'll even remember what I say, but the conversation needs to be had. 
We don't need to only talk about being kind to people on MLK day, but everyday. It needs to be a part of the continuous conversations we have with our children. Being kind and treating others with respect is our duty as humans. As parents, teaching these values to our children is paramount. 
"I have a dream that one day every valley s…

Friday Favorites- Jimmy Kimmel invades the Start-Up

Hi Friends!
I'm jumping back in with Friday Favorites. . .
1. Podcasts  I just discovered podcasts a few months ago and they are truly life changing. If you are a stay at home parent you know how lonely that can be. I love putting in an ear bud and getting to work  around the house. It distracts me from what I'm doing. I feel engaged. I learn new things. Most importantly though, I don't feel quite so lonely. Sure, I'm not actually having a conversation, but I'm listening to one and there is something to that.
My favorite show is "The Simple Show". Tsh Oxenreider is an adventurous mother who strives to live a simpler life. She talks about travel, books, and life at home with family. I always feel like I learn something valuable while listening to her and I really enjoy when she talks about the year she spent traveling with her family of 5! The beginning episodes she jumps around with lots of different types of hosts and in her later shows she locks down a …

Life as Usual

Hi friends!
To start things off, I have to say Thank YOU! I have received so much positive feedback from my last post. Writing about my journey with depression was not an easy thing to do and I can't say enough how much it meant to hear that my words were appreciated and actually helped some. I also received a lot of "me too" and although it saddened me, it further showed just how common mental illness and depression in particular are common and all around us. 
Now how do I move forward from such a tender topic? Thankfully life isn't filled with those big moments. Life is filled with the small days. Days that drag for some, race for others. That is where I want to park for a while. I want to talk about the things that make our existence whole. 
So a little catch-up on what's been happening in my life...

E is half way through her kindergarten year and loving her school. It took her a bit to get there though. For the first couple of months she insisted that I walk…

Fingernail Clippers

Hi Friends!

Since my last post, several months ago, we have settled into our house, explored some of our new area, hosted holidays, made new friends and spend lots of time with family. It really has been a time of reflection, busy schedules, and getting into a new grove that is required with every relocation.

Now, you may be wondering, what happened? Why did you fall off the face of the internet? Well, there are a couple of reasons, but only one real reason. Yes, we have been extremely busy, our computer hasn't been working very well, and just life in general, but the real reason I stopped writing is I have been struggling with some pretty severe depression. No surprise I'm sure. I try to be honest in all areas of my life and I haven't held out on the emotional struggles I've had.

I always struggle with moving. I love new adventure. We are always planning our next move, but I always end up at the bottom of the depression pit. It's just part of my DNA. The first ti…

Rainbow After the Storm

If you have been following along you know that I haven't had the best of weeks. I reached a breaking point a few nights ago and spilled my guts for the world to see just how sad I had been. I am so thankful that I shared that post because I have had so many women message me privately, and publicly, to tell me how they feel the exact same way. Isn't it comforting to know we aren't alone? No one wants to feel alone. 
Then yesterday I was browsing through Facebook and I came across a memory from two years ago. I had had a good day and this is what I said.

"After spending the entire day out with my family shopping I was feeling very thankful. I then started thinking how much I hope our girls remember all the fun things we do with them. I hope they will one day look back on their childhoods and it mostly be good and happy memories. I then reminisced on my own childhood and there are a few memories that really stick out in my mind. Spending the day at Red River, building sand…

Dear Diary, Today I'm Sad

Dear Diary,

Today has been rough. Actually, I'm not sure if it was rough or if my mind just can't make up its mind. Either way, I'm sad. I feel like I'm drowning. I think its the move. Sitting in a house all day, everyday, with nothing to do. I've been crocheting and that has helped, but there is only so much tying string in knots that can entertain a person. How did the women back in the day do it? How do moms now do it? I guess if I were in my own home, with my own stuff, I would be busy doing housework or some other mundane task and that would keep me from feeling like I'm suffocating. I need to survive until we get our things and until we get out of this apartment. So, I went to Hobby Lobby. I spent money, I probably shouldn't be spending, to make a new wreath. Wow, that's really inspired....

How can having children be the single most important thing and a curse, all at the same time? I love them, but I feel incomplete. I want to stay home and raise…